Recent Ramblings

If you ask me that which is the one thing that I would like to change in my life, what would it be? Well! some time back it was replacing my face with Mel Gibson's, but no more.

Now it would be the people I have ended up hurting. Never wanted to, but somehow it never worked out. I wish that I had hurt no one.

Do I suffer from attachment disorder? Am I a perfectionist? Was it always beacuse of the girls I met? I don't have an answer. It won't be a bad idea to see a brain doctor, psychologist or whatever they are called.

I remember a friend had come back to Mumbai after a long time. Stayed with me for a week. Well! my flat was only the base camp for him. He was practically crashing all the time with his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend at ther place. After that week he was to go to his town and get engaged to someone else. He had told me "Dada! two timing is bound to happen. Nowadays every body is seeing somebody. So it will happen whenever anybody gets close to anybody." He had put it simply. But still there is something in me that says relationships should not start with two timing. Or is it that I get scared or offended to know that the person trying to get close to me is seeing someone else too? I dont know. And then there are Auntijis, flirting obnoxiously looking for a nice time, scaring the hell out of me. This world or may be this city of Mumbai leaves me confused like a 12 year old in a topless bar.

Times are such that people are being asked to leave their jobs in the name of cost-cutting. They have to leave not because they were incompetent but because they were quite good and their seniors were afraid of losing their jobs. I am going through all this but even in this scenario, I feel more about the people I hurt unwittingly. Do I need to learn to accept people with their faults? No matter how i or anyone judges them, they would have felt very hurt with my walking away. I hope and pray that I will not have to hurt anyone anymore.

My sincerest apologies to everyone I ended up hurting. I hope that you understand that I never wanted to. Every time such a thing happens it hurts me a lot. You all may play me a culprit, may be rightfully so, and get over it. But I am not sure whether I can play you the culprit. Atleast for the time being I will have to live with it.