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Thursday, December 2, 2010
I have a dream!
I have a dream. A dream where people take pleasure in others happiness. Where love is spread like pollen in springtime. People always strive to make others happy and take care not to offend anyone. People see that others are not so poor that they can have basic joys in life. I have a dream of peace and love and brotherhood. Care and generosity. If it is utopia then I am dreaming of utopia. But is it really that hard to achieve. All that is needed is a little concern for others. The maximum it demands is that one sees others like a human being, one’s counterpart or may be the alter ego. Aren’t we all each other’s counterpart? Then why is it so tough? Why are we condemning ourselves to lead a dog’s life, always barking, grasping and trying to define our territories?
The worst is not that I want to live in utopia and that I do not have the commitment to make this world the utopia beyond being nice to others. What is worse is that I do not know whether it is my bad experiences that have made me go soft and crave for so much of emotional support. I have always had strength of being nice to others even when others were not being very nice to me. I used to say that if one wants to think of himself as a nice person then it is the cost that one has to pay. Also that being good is like writing a call option. Option premium being the satisfaction of calling oneself a good person against the unlimited downside of being cheated and getting hurt.
May be my strength ran out during the unfortunate incidents and I got scared of the unlimited downside. But I still want to be good and nice to everybody and the fear of unlimited downside scares me. I hope that it heals with time. And I pray that it heals fast, very fast.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Recent Ramblings
If you ask me that which is the one thing that I would like to change in my life, what would it be? Well! some time back it was replacing my face with Mel Gibson's, but no more.
Now it would be the people I have ended up hurting. Never wanted to, but somehow it never worked out. I wish that I had hurt no one.
Do I suffer from attachment disorder? Am I a perfectionist? Was it always beacuse of the girls I met? I don't have an answer. It won't be a bad idea to see a brain doctor, psychologist or whatever they are called.
I remember a friend had come back to Mumbai after a long time. Stayed with me for a week. Well! my flat was only the base camp for him. He was practically crashing all the time with his girlfriend or ex-girlfriend at ther place. After that week he was to go to his town and get engaged to someone else. He had told me "Dada! two timing is bound to happen. Nowadays every body is seeing somebody. So it will happen whenever anybody gets close to anybody." He had put it simply. But still there is something in me that says relationships should not start with two timing. Or is it that I get scared or offended to know that the person trying to get close to me is seeing someone else too? I dont know. And then there are Auntijis, flirting obnoxiously looking for a nice time, scaring the hell out of me. This world or may be this city of Mumbai leaves me confused like a 12 year old in a topless bar.
Times are such that people are being asked to leave their jobs in the name of cost-cutting. They have to leave not because they were incompetent but because they were quite good and their seniors were afraid of losing their jobs. I am going through all this but even in this scenario, I feel more about the people I hurt unwittingly. Do I need to learn to accept people with their faults? No matter how i or anyone judges them, they would have felt very hurt with my walking away. I hope and pray that I will not have to hurt anyone anymore.
My sincerest apologies to everyone I ended up hurting. I hope that you understand that I never wanted to. Every time such a thing happens it hurts me a lot. You all may play me a culprit, may be rightfully so, and get over it. But I am not sure whether I can play you the culprit. Atleast for the time being I will have to live with it.
Friday, October 17, 2008
When Love and Hate Collide
Love can’t understand perspective of hate and hate can’t fathom philosophy of love. Both can’t understand each others viewpoint and what it results in is loads of confusion.
Hate thinks that her viewpoint is the smart one and love thinks that his way is benign. What they do not comprehend is that being smart is of no value to love and benignity is the synonym of stupidity to hate.
This utter confusion leads to silent animosity between them. Hate tries to hurt love because hurt is what she has known; not realizing that love does not know hurt and the only power that hurts love is unspoken affection. Love tries to show affection to hate to make his point, which is completely lost on hate whose river of kindness and affection had run dry long ago. And the result is not animosity but even more confusion in the air.
If only love knew that it is pain and not longingness and hate knew that it is unspoken affection and not pain that could hurt the other; at least they could have fought and given a direction to their relationship. But love being love and hate being hate can’t change their nature and hence they have been colliding since time immemorial. And their argument never ends…
ps: replacing love with simplicity and hate with smartness in the ramblings above hardly changes anything
Friday, November 2, 2007
Times they are changing!
I am talking all this boring stuff because now my life is entering into the Boring Stage. Actually, this stage might have started about a year back. I have been trying to fight and reverse it since then. But, today I realize that there is hardly any chance of reversing it, and hence these gloomy outpourings.
There is not much work in office nowadays and I am writing this post from my office. Got nothing better to do. On the personal front, I am left with two good friends in the city. Both work on Saturdays and even a weekend trip out of Mumbai is hard to make. Life is getting boring. Looks like I’ll have to make a compromise and hangout with guys who are more of acquaintances than friends.
Life with so few good friends and who have relatives in the city has become a drag. This gets compounded when you are not staying with your family and have decided not to screw around. Well! screwing around or rather not screwing around will need another piece of writing but a man has got to live with the choices he makes. And something inside me tells me that I would not regret this decision.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Writers Block
Now you can see that my mind has started rambling. But tomorrow morning I have to attend officeand its getting late. Quite late!
You are spared today. See you soon.